Gathering my thoughts (pt 1)

Waking up this morning had lots of things that has crossed my mind, this has turned out to be a morning ritual for me I sit on the side of my bed and rub my eyes then I take my medications with some water then I close my eyes and just let my mind just wonder on all the things of the night before and things to do for the day ahead.
What I did think about was my life in general, I read in a fortune cookie one night that my happiness is intwinded with my outlook on life...Well that left me something to think about since there was a faint reminder of a discussion I had with my sons on this same topic. I work all the time, raising two sons and married to a great guy but sometimes I have to question my true happiness in all of this...am I being too selfish or over self centered I wonder?
I should be happy since my needs are being taking care of daily by my Lord Jesus Christ, but I do at times want more and want to do more but it seems as if that it will never come my way.
Dreaming all the time of being a traveler or writing my poems and becoming a very rich poet is a dream that I have imagined all the time now, since this is something that I want to do I hope with patience that it will come.
Most women my age don't have all that I have and that is real!! And when they hear of me having what I do have well they become very recentful and jealous of me because of it. I deal with it because I know this is what is expected of me as a older woman which has matured with this for some time. But still....I want more I know that I shouldn't ask for it but I do need to have more. So am I wrong?
My life is entwined on my happiness in my life now and I do hope that one day soon I get what I do want at this time all I can do is rely on my faith in God to pull it through.